I blame it on the fact that I live so close to Hollywood. Closer than I used to, anyway. Or the heat--the heat is messing with my brains and good judgement. Yeah! That's it. But anyway. Today's class--which, I might add, will be a recurring lesson--is about how much Hollywood sucks, and how much I can do to remedy that.
See, Hollywood's got a problem. Its producers are demented enough to think that, Snakes on a Plane aside, the discerning American public has the patience for the crap they have been presenting for the past...ever, I guess. I mean, seriously folks...Snakes...on a plane? The insipidity of the title alone makes it worth viewing, but I dread to think of the imitation films that might flood the country. We need better crap than this?
And, if one is going to produce a crappy movie, what better way than to do an adaptation? There are so many good novels waiting to be disgraced and degraded. And there are plenty of fans out there eager to see eye-candy enact their favorite storylines.
For example, Rebecca. It's a great book, full of lots of suspense and detail of wealth and sumptuousness. It might make a better winter flick, but it's so good. And Jon Stewart would be perfect for Max de Winter...only I guess he would have to be Max de Winterstein. There could be a Jewish spin to it, I guess...he kills Rebecca because she's been showing her flaming bush to all the tribes but his!
Er, anyway. Seriously, there needs to be a screen adaptation of Rebecca. Kate Winslet as the nameless main character; Gwenyth as Rebecca. Maybe Stockard Channing as Mrs. Danvers? Can she do a British accent? And now that I think about it, Anthony Stewart Head would make a great Max de Winter. He makes moody and broody look so sexy. Oh, yum. Mmmmm. Sorry, where was I?
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