I will go through my life a childless woman.
Please don't think "Oh, no! How awful!" It's by my own choice that my life has taken that path. I've never been fond of children...or at least children that I do not know. (Which is most children). As I so delicately phrased it once, "Someone forgot to wind up my biological clock." I wasn't going to let children be the "deal-breaker" of a relationship; if my life partner wanted one, fine, I'd pop out a couple and probably make a dang fine parent. Strict, no doubt, but affectionate and involved. However, if left to my own devices, if I had my druthers, I would choose not to bear children. Apart from the not-really-wanting them, there's the whole issue of rearing them. Rearing children is a brave act in the current world, and I admire every parent who turns out a good kid. I believe that a child benefits from a stay-at-home parent (not necessarily mother) and I would have liked to be that parent, at least until they started elementary school. Anything else would be not cool, as far as I'm concerned, but still--how do parents manage to make a single-income household happen? It boggles.
One of the many points of compatibility between me and Himself is our mutual goals with regards to children: not having them. Or, in his case, not having any more. He has two sons already, one fully-grown (Himself is ten years older than me, and got started with the baby-making very early, which means I was still playing with my Barbie dolls while he was...well...playing with his Barbie doll), and that's quite enough.
So, no children. I have an unofficial godchild in Wesley the Hoosier Dude, and a more handsome bairn there never was. And I have my stepsons. And that's it. And everyone is more than happy with this. I have other things, other interests, other desires; and more than that, I have my career.
A career and a child are not mutually exclusive. Nor are they particularly comparable (apples and oranges, actually). But my career is where a HUGE portion of my energy is focused, and so it only seems fair that my blog focuses on it, at least a little, in the same way that some of the blogs that I read focus at least some on their children. My career is not the only thing that defines me, but it is one of the things. And it's a major point within this blog to explore how I can successfully combine the identities of "career girl" and "home manager."
So, there's that.
Fortunately, I love my career. I'm an adult services librarian, which sounds much naughty than it is. Essentially, I'm an information mistress, a book maven, and a ditch-digging data dude. I work with the public, I get paid to be curious and research, I have a wide variety of duties, and I am constantly exposed to more, more, more information. I get to learn new stuff all the time. I love my bosses (and there are quite a few of them), and I love my colleagues.
In short, in choosing to be a librarian, I chose to spend a good deal of my life in Heaven on Earth--which should hopefully make for some interesting reading when it comes to Work on Wednesdays!
It's fascinating...to so many, choosing not to have children is weird. To me, it's not childless, it's childfree.
ReplyDeleteI know that I have no urge to be a parent and doubt that I would make a good parent. Every parent says "Oh, you'll feel differently once you have one."
I don't intend to find out.
Beyond that, almost every parent I know at least at some point laments the massive upheaval and changes to their life. It's not to say that they regret it or don't want their child(ren), they just didn't realize fully what they were giving up.
It's fine for the people that want children. Don't look down on me because I opt not to.
(That's a royal imperative you in there, not the lovely author...)
First of all, I wrote you a little note congratulating you on your marriage, and saying that of course I remember you, and am so glad you've found happiness! Also, that obviously our memories of Bloomington are WAY different, based on our different programs. But anyways. The blog ate it, for real. Probably just as well, since I think I cracked a joke about your being SO MUCH OLDER than me (I turn 30 in September).
ReplyDeleteSo consider this my congratulations, and I LOVE that one wedding photo I saw on Facebook. You are so beautiful!
As to this particular subject- I think it's a perfectly reasonable choice to choose childless, or child. I think we're both very lucky to be able to choose, and that says a lot about our generation, and our way of life. Our husbands are about the same age, but they have very different pasts. Mine was completely against having children until fairly recently, and of course now you're a step-parent! In some ways I really envy you. You already know that (more) children are not in the picture, and are able to focus in on your career. And your marriage, for that matter. I'm very much on the side of wanting a child, though not particularly soon, but even knowing with certainty that it's the right choice, and that I want very much to have a child... I realize I'm choosing a path which makes my career goals fairly compromised. I'm not sure when I have a kid that we'll be in a place for one of us to stay home, but I know both of us benefited so much from having a parent around the vast majority of the time. In fact, I think I'd have to fight George off from being the stay-at-home- he might not be as excited about the caretaking part, but he'd love to be able to coach more like full time and give up his day job! And I'm always torn at this point, between wanting to move my career as far as possible, and wondering what the point of that is, if I'm going to just back away for a few years sometime in my early to mid thirties. At any rate- I think the hardest part of all is being on the fence. I know I have a very long, and not remotely simple, path ahead of me. Whether I work, whether I don't. Whether we end up actually having a child, or whether it ends up being out of our control. I think you still will have plenty of difficult choices on your road ahead, but I think you're lucky to already know some of the answers, and to be able to put your focus on other things.
/rant ;)
Leave the children to the people who have nothing else to give to the world. If you're a worthless dud of a human being with no skills or talents, it's an easy way out. "I've nothing else to contribute, so I'll pop out a few kids and let them take care of the world". Shoddy! Lazy! Disgusting!
ReplyDelete(I am only slightly kidding)
@Dividedbyzero: I never thought of it as "childfree." I will start using that term from now on. I think what I find the saddest/most disturbing are the people who have kids to fill the void. That's a heavy thing to put on a child.
ReplyDelete@Jen: Welcome to 30, you old bag! I've missed you!
@Ghoul: Well, the family line dies with us, I guess.