On Failure

Following hard on the heels of my last post is this one...maybe a continuation?

When I moved out here to California, it was mainly because I had gone through a majorly traumatic break-up and reconciliation. During the break-up part of it, I was in constant touch with a friend of mine from New Orleans. We'll call her Tulip, for now. Tulip was going through her own traumas...Katrina recovery, a crazy boss, a fellow she loved and who loved her, yet was not willing to be with her. We were both fucked up at the time. She moved to Seattle on a whim, I decided to apply to every job in the world, to hell with the consequences. Then she and her fellow ended up together, and my boyfriend and I reconciled. But I still kept applying for jobs everywhere--I had learned that Michael was not a safe gamble, and that I had better get a job and put the relationship second.

Well, I got a job here in Southern California, and Tulip and Tulip's boyfriend ended up in Portland, of all places. And Michael and I didn't end up working out after all (SoCal has been a safe bet). That was discouraging--I don't like being a failure. But a woman I once knew said "We've all failed at relationships. That's what it means when you're single again." But regardless, I took comfort in the fact that Tulip and her boyfriend made it; they ended up together and took a leap and ended up in a brand new city together and lived happily ever after.

Until last month. Now Tulip's starting a new life without the boyfriend. It happens. I should know.

Does this mean we are failures? Maybe so, maybe in the traditional sense. But maybe not, if we really consider what we want and how our actions and choices have or have not been furthering our goals. When we're in our 20s, that's our time to screw up, to make mistakes, to fall down. But the whole point of screwing up, failing, falling down is to learn, do things differently the next time, pick yourself up and do better. If I've learned anything from Friends, it's that.

And I've decided this: when I am around 30, and I am not in a relationship that has the potential for marriage, I am out of here. I will find a new job in a city of my choice, and I will leave whatever life and relationship I have behind. It will be time to move on to better things, more potential, more choices. And that will not make me a failure. That will make me a brave girl--woman, really--with the courage, the cajones to get out there and get what I want, or at least try.

It's really all in how you spin it. And so: We're not failures, ladies. We're simply destined for better things.