In another six weeks, I will be celebrating my third California birthday. Like any birthday, this is going to be–inevitably–a time of reflection for me. Uppermost in my reflections will be the knowledge that I had never intended to celebrate three California birthdays here; I had planned to be gone from this state after a year and a half.
And yet.
And yet, here I am. Three years older than the 26-year-old that drove in on the 10 on a hot, dusty day in mid-June, feeling no excitement, no joy, no anticipation, only relief to be at the end of my journey and a grim determination to get through it. Thank god I didn’t know, couldn’t know how long I would be here. Three years older, but not necessarily wiser. And here I am.
Part of growing up, growing older, is having the courage to admit when a thing–a situation, a relationship, a job–is no longer working. It’s having the courage to admit when it’s time to give it up as a bad show and walk away. And it’s having the good sense to know when it’s time. Kinda like the serenity prayer, like that. So I guess I’ve learned something in California–I’ve learned when it’s time to walk away.
Now I just need to learn how.
No comments:
Post a Comment