There's Crazy. There's Neurotic. And Then There's Just Plain Dumb.

And I may, in fact, be all three.

Here's the thing: I am a clutterbug. I am an accumulator. I am an acquirer. I am not a minimalist. I own dozens of books I've never read. I own candles and incense that I don't burn. (In my defense, I usually just forget about them). When I latch on to a new hobby, I purchase all the requisite supplies (or at least all the supplies that I think are requisite), try my hand, and then in a week or two or three get diverted to some other hobby. Or, alternatively, I want to dabble in cooking but think I need all sorts of utensils and so I get them, and then, for some strange reason, the food never gets cooked.

What it boils down to, I suspect, that while my desires and intentions are good, I am afraid of trying, afraid of failing, and I am afraid of sucking at it. And so I acquire the items because in theory that's part of the whole project, and let's face it, I do NOT fail at acquisition. It's like I acquire and acquire and acquire to actually delay the process of creating and crafting.

And the result is that I have a half-finished project and a ton of crap.

This sickness--because sometimes I think that it is--has another facet. I try to organize as a way to magically make all of these projects and ideas come to fruition. "I could get all my bills and correspondence together if I have this nifty new filing cabinet which has labels slightly different from the three other filing cabinets I own." "If I got this family organizer, Himself and I could always keep track of our work and social schedules and impending chores and errands, because, let's face it, the two planners and two calendars that I already have don't quite cut it." "If I can just get organized, everything will fall into place." (My middle sister does the same thing. I'd say it's a family trait, but our eldest sister somehow managed to dodge this particular strain of neuroses).

And the really pathetic thing to all of this (as if it weren't lame enough already) is that I KNOW THINGS WON'T CHANGE with that handy-dandy, ultra-sleek new organizing ____________. I know this. It's common sense--when getting things together, the secret is not getting new/more/better organizational objects, but rather throwing shit out. Downsizing, minimizing, reducing, reusing, call it whatever you want. The current trend in organization is is about buying less, having less, using less. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

But where's the fun in that?

This is not a novel concept. I know all of this, but still I do it. I reminded myself of it the other day when I purchased a drawer organizer, two storage bins, and a scrapbook paper file. I will remind myself of that later today when I go back to Target and get another scrapbook paper file and a little table for my altar and maybe another one or two of those storage bins. I will remind myself of it as I continue on to Office Depot to get the stadium file organizer I realized I just had to have. I know all of this, but still I do it. But I sure as heck don't feel great about it.

In fact--spur of the moment--I am committing to you, dear readers (okay, reader) that I am nixing the spiffy new file. At least for now. I'm going to go into that danged Crap Room and find something that I already have to organize the paperwork I shouldn't have anyway.

But I'm still going to Target.

They say that God is in the details...

Today's Question: What is the "netiquette" for how often one might post in their blog per day?

Today's Wish (Intangible): Lots and lots of and lots of rain.

Today's Wish (Tangible): Blue, purple, and green Chinese star lanterns for my studio

Today's Random Thought: "Studio" sounds so...professional and "take me seriously, plz, I'm an artist", and it's SO misleading for me to call it the studio. And yet I persist.

Today's Featured Blog Post: Over at Single Infertile Female, the author (who is trying to come to catch a very narrow window of opportunity for impregnation) now also has to come to terms with the disapprobation of other single mothers. This is one tough chick, and you can check her out here. Please add her to your positive thoughts.

Today's Joys: Finding TONS more blogs, talking on the phone with my sister

Today's Surprise: Discovering the succulent I just purchased decided, unexpectedly, to bloom:


Today's Awsome Find: Cute fuschia-colored calculator for $1 at Wal-Mart

Today's Fail: ...Shopping at Wal-Mart

Today's Epic Fail: Stepping on one of the kitties' jingle balls, right in front of Austen. He was traumatized.
Today's Triumph: Making a TON of headway into the current (and futile) organizational project

Today's Knowledge Gained: "Wreck this Journal"--what a fun and interesting concept! I am sorely tempted...

Today's Creative Idea/Endeavor: Doing the "Wreck this Journal"

Today's Image:

"Evening Fields", by Flikr User Wipeoutdave, can be found here.

I think, other than the vivid primary colors, the thing that I love most about this picture
are the potentially-stormy clouds that are hovering in the distance, promising the possibility
of a delicious, rainy deluge in the British countryside. Hmmm, seen in this light, I got
my intangible wish!

Top 5 Friday

5 Things I Will Do Before the Honeymoon Vacation Ends:

1. Try to turn the Craft Studio (Himself calls it the "Crap Room") into an organized, visually appealing space

2. Call Deshka, Kristin, Sister, Eric, Mum, the grandparents, and LoPrete; write my Soldier

3. Order wedding prints

4. Make some yummy dessert with my Kitchenaid Mixer (thanks, step-mother-in-law)(dude, I have in-laws?!?!)

5. Plan a dinner menu for the week ahead.

And...the feel good-picture of the day, which totally captures my mood:

"& i'm on my way to believing..." by Kelseyela, found here.

There's No Place Like Home (Part 1)

I never was much of a summer girl.

In theory, summer is lovely, of course...cookouts and lazy days and all the rest. Growing up in Florida, however, where summer was 8 months of the year, kind of killed (okay, brutally slaughtered) any love I ever could have harbored for this wretched season. The most I liked about it was the violent thunderstorms which would cloud up the blazing sky, and the cacophony of talkative crickets, tree frogs, and cicadas which emerged after the storms passed.

My too-brief stint in Indiana revived my love of this season...it was much easier for me to love summer when it only lasted four months, maximum, and was followed by a beautiful and distinct autumn. And then, too, summers in Indiana had...summery things, like fireflies and lazy hazy evenings and, of course, those lovely summer storms.

But now, here in the desert, summer is worse than ever. Usually well over 100 degrees, with no relief from the advent of thunderstorms. Indeed, it wouldn't be the desert otherwise! I don't do well with the heat...at all...and will, from June until the end of September (at least) closet myself in a darkened house with the air set at a reasonable 79 degrees. Since the condo becomes my haven during these brutal months, I think it only sensible to make it as lovely, welcoming, orderly, and comfortable as possible, and in the days before I must return to work, I'm concentrating on making this happen. Himself pitched in, too, and here's the first set of pictures of our hard work:

Austen surveys the domain.

Okay, so Himself was the one that did all this work. Outside, at noon. In triple digits.
But I helped pick out the plants and flowers!

I also picked out and settled the little IU garden gnome peeking out from the corner, by the rock.

He's not too thrilled to be in the desert, either!


I also picked out this succulent...representative of my (relative) adaptation to the desert.
For now.

Entrance to the condo; pictures to come!

Domesticity rocks

Lucky me, I have another 4.5 days before I return to the Library and work! But Himself is not so much with the luck, and has to return to the real world tomorrow. Still, we're making the last day of the joint honeymoon-time off, and are spending the day engrossed in domestic activities. He's outside in the courtyard, in the wicked desert heat, planting a metric f-ton of purdy flowers we picked up at Lowe's, and I am in the climate-controlled condo, doing laundry, unpacking our wedding goodies, cleaning, and--only occasionally--taking a break to succumb to my internets addiction.

I daresay I have the better end of the deal.

Wait, actually, no. Miss Magdalene's got the better end of the deal.

Lucky little wench.

I think my real life began a long time ago

We're home.

But more importantly...

We're married.

There's much to say, about the trip, the wedding, my 30th birthday, all of the many ideas that are scampering about in my head, the adventures, the experiences...And to make things more emotionally complex, towards the end of the trip, I got unexpected and very sad news, from more than one quarter. Some of it can be mentioned here, some of it not, but none of it now. Now, the only thing that matters is that we are home, and I am so very, very happy to be back. Austen and Magdalene are fairly disturbed by our absence and then reappearance, and in typically neurotic feline fashion, have alternated between meowing, purring, and hissing at us, fighting with each other, and giving us little "presents" in inappropriate but nonetheless creative places.

I think we'll all need a few days to settle down.

Woman On the cusp

(This post is brought to you via one very strong vodka gimlet).

Wow. It's been a while...I see myself falling back into my old wayward blogging ways, which is to say, I go MIA for months at a time. Which kinda sucks, because that's not what I want, and it's not the way to get people to read you. But then, I'm not here to get people to read me. I'm just here because I can.

I am on the cusp of two very important things in my life: turning 30 and getting married.

What this translates into in modern palance, is, I am becoming an adult. And a wife.

Still haven't figured that last bit out, especially because most days I feel like I am a selfish kid, playacting at maturity. And I suppose if I feel like it, I am. But at least I'm acknowledging it. I'm not pretending to be something I'm not. I'm just me, Melissa, trying to bumble along and make the best of the amazing gifts in my life.

I'm not certain about much, but one thing of which I am certain is this: my life is getting better with each passing year. Each year, I become more proud of my accomplishments, more comfortable in my own skin, more able and eager to pursue my creative endeavors. Whether or not I become a better person remains to be seen.

One other thing I know is this: I have been so lucky, so blessed. I have known love from many people--family, friends, lovers, mentors, colleagues--and it's enhanced my life and made it beautiful and even, a time or two, quite literally kept me alive. Here's hoping that the next 30 years bring me the same amount love, luck, and good people.