Rules Were Made to be Broken. Or At Least Re-Written.

Single in Southern California. Not bad, not bad at all. But there's a problem with this scenario--I have never really dated. More like, I'd go out on a date, and somehow end up committed. Almost by accident, it would seem--whoops! I tripped! And so I am utterly, completely, 100% clueless about what to do. What to say. How to pace it. For example, I guess it's really not kosher for me to introduce myself to boys by saying, "Hi! I'm Mel. And I'm single. I don't do casual sex. So how do you feel about relationships?" Yeah, I know this is a real mood-killer, and most fellas in my age range would (perhaps sensibly) head for the hills as soon as that flew out of my mouth. But that's always been how I've rolled. I'm a straight shooter, and I usually just want to cut through the bull and know what folks' motivations are, and lay it all out there. (And I wonder why people say I'm intense.)
So, there's something of a dilemma here. And it's exacerbated by The Rules.

There's a published book of Rules out there, that instructs us womenfolk how to snare us a dreamboat of a man. I remember coming across it in a used bookstore back in Indiana, a couple of years ago, and laughing so hard I nearly cried. But the damned nonsense has sold, and apparently, boys read it too. This disturbs me on many levels (why? Why would a male want to read it??? What possible motive?), and I want to know what the hell is being said in this book. What sorts of shit males think females do. And because I think it's time to re-write The Rules, Mel-style.

And like the smart, sexy information professional that I am, I do my research.

I had to go to Borders for some other books, and so I decided to acquire The Rules. And so, somewhere in the Inland Empire tonight, there is one very disturbed Borders employee.

I went out to Riverside today to spend time with my mates, and decided it was the opportune time to get the books. There were several on the list, but the one I really wanted, Borders didn't have. Apparently retail stores are staffed by prudes, even in Southern California. So, I picked up some other books that I had been meaning to acquire. And lordy, lordy, what an assortment! Along with The Rules, I picked up a replacement copy of the latest Harry Potter (I left mine in Indiana) and The Story of O (because what person's life isn't complete with an erotica/BDSM classic?) That's a fucked-up assortment, even for me. I would have picked up The Complete Kama Sutra, too, but it was $20 for the paperback version.

Porn, magic, and bad dating advice aside, I spent the afternoon in the pool at a friend's house in Riverside, along with a few other ladies. They have been conscripted into The New Rules Editorial Board. Think Sex in the City--er, the Empire, but with less shoes.