There's Crazy. There's Neurotic. And Then There's Just Plain Dumb.

And I may, in fact, be all three.

Here's the thing: I am a clutterbug. I am an accumulator. I am an acquirer. I am not a minimalist. I own dozens of books I've never read. I own candles and incense that I don't burn. (In my defense, I usually just forget about them). When I latch on to a new hobby, I purchase all the requisite supplies (or at least all the supplies that I think are requisite), try my hand, and then in a week or two or three get diverted to some other hobby. Or, alternatively, I want to dabble in cooking but think I need all sorts of utensils and so I get them, and then, for some strange reason, the food never gets cooked.

What it boils down to, I suspect, that while my desires and intentions are good, I am afraid of trying, afraid of failing, and I am afraid of sucking at it. And so I acquire the items because in theory that's part of the whole project, and let's face it, I do NOT fail at acquisition. It's like I acquire and acquire and acquire to actually delay the process of creating and crafting.

And the result is that I have a half-finished project and a ton of crap.

This sickness--because sometimes I think that it is--has another facet. I try to organize as a way to magically make all of these projects and ideas come to fruition. "I could get all my bills and correspondence together if I have this nifty new filing cabinet which has labels slightly different from the three other filing cabinets I own." "If I got this family organizer, Himself and I could always keep track of our work and social schedules and impending chores and errands, because, let's face it, the two planners and two calendars that I already have don't quite cut it." "If I can just get organized, everything will fall into place." (My middle sister does the same thing. I'd say it's a family trait, but our eldest sister somehow managed to dodge this particular strain of neuroses).

And the really pathetic thing to all of this (as if it weren't lame enough already) is that I KNOW THINGS WON'T CHANGE with that handy-dandy, ultra-sleek new organizing ____________. I know this. It's common sense--when getting things together, the secret is not getting new/more/better organizational objects, but rather throwing shit out. Downsizing, minimizing, reducing, reusing, call it whatever you want. The current trend in organization is is about buying less, having less, using less. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

But where's the fun in that?

This is not a novel concept. I know all of this, but still I do it. I reminded myself of it the other day when I purchased a drawer organizer, two storage bins, and a scrapbook paper file. I will remind myself of that later today when I go back to Target and get another scrapbook paper file and a little table for my altar and maybe another one or two of those storage bins. I will remind myself of it as I continue on to Office Depot to get the stadium file organizer I realized I just had to have. I know all of this, but still I do it. But I sure as heck don't feel great about it.

In fact--spur of the moment--I am committing to you, dear readers (okay, reader) that I am nixing the spiffy new file. At least for now. I'm going to go into that danged Crap Room and find something that I already have to organize the paperwork I shouldn't have anyway.

But I'm still going to Target.